A typical disk cleaner with fluid package, produced by Milty Products. The box proclaims this is the “safe way to eliminate static permanently” – one wonders exactly how much danger there is in eliminating static, apart from giving yourself a nice new frizzy perm? And not just eliminated, but permanently – most impressive, were it true. However, you’d think that simply placing an LP back into a plastic-lined sleeve is likely to restore at least some of the static. Ah well.
The back of the package shows how “tests prove Permostat really works”, as proven by a “precision built, hand held integrated field mill” showing “total and permanent neutralisation to zero voltage”. You can’t argue with that. The instructions are eloquent; “spray it on, buff well” – a phrase that could be applied to numerous products!
If you think it looks a bit old fashioned (Milty actually still make a more modern looking version called Permaclean), then think again as the manufacturers also still make the Pixall (‘Grand Prix Award Winners’ – of the worst product pun of all time?), a strange mini-garden roller affair which you roll across the surface of your record. When the sticky surface gets too clogged up, you peel off the top layer to reveal a fresh one underneath. Maybe that’s where the F1 drivers got the idea for their visor shields. Most commentators reckon the roller is only any good for large grot, and leaves the finer stuff still in the grooves. Should you have a strange urge to purchase one, try Needles & Spins on our links list. Thanks to Nick Robinson for the pack shots and starter text. Mind you I still use my old Super Exstatic Disc Cleaner from time to time, and Milty seem to have taken over production of that too. It certainly loosens the dust but also slows the turntable down in use if you press too hard, so I can’t imagine that does the deck any good.